Monday, January 4, 2010

be kind, do not rewind !

How can I describe a year, where I lost a job, lost a relationship I inadvertently yet deeply stumbled into, lost my home of 6 years, and lost the friendship of some people along the way? It was a mammoth year, kinda like a earthquake on the terrain of a little thing called 'my life'. Shaken to the core, rehabilitating, and rebuilding. Much like the economy in general. 

I am not sure about life lessons, I seem to have the unlearning button on right now. I would rather unlearn the hurt, the indifference, the lack of self confidence, the sheer ennui and utter helplessness. Obviously, it wasn't one of my best years. 

I came back home, yet it wasn't how I left it, I didn't feel like I belonged, somewhere within the last 6 years, Mumbai ceased to be home for me. It became a place where my folks live. I lived in my dream country, a place I wanted to call home for a long time, and there wasn't an instant connection there either. I didn't fall in love with it. Although I do want to go back to it, take another chance. I travelled to an exotic land, and loved the adventure. I travelled to a holy place, fell in love with the commitment to a belief, and found faith.

I rediscovered several relationships, that of my parents, my cousins, my nephews, and found several shades in them, some that clashed heavily with my palette, and some which blended in well. And as for friendships, the colors were all over the place. Some ceased in importance, some were consciously distanced, some found new meaning, some betrayed the trust I had bestowed on them while some surprised me with their sheer indifference. I believe friendship in a fluid concept, one that needs constant reinvention, just like love. I got held up on both counts. Held static while the other person moved on. 

It was a year of movies / books. I found solace in the stories of 'Wake Up Sid' and 'Twilight Saga'. I escaped, and loved the sheer magical land these avenues presented me with. I explored new and old authors, and read insane amounts of chic lit, and fell in love with the idea of writing once again. 

It was a tough year. I want to say it didn't make me tough. I want to say it made me softer, kinder, and with a 100 more reasons to want to live. To look forward with wide eyed wonder and build naive dreams. It was a tough year, need I say more on why I am crossing my fingers, toes, my entire being for 2010!

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