missing souls

how many souls did you eat 

dripping ecstasy over rolling pins 

slow burnt naive dreams 

rushing toward the new moon
tissue scars melted 

the knife dug deeper 

haunted lullaby  

was it a good meal?

brilliant

It's brilliant to be able to point to something as elusive as love, and say this is what I want. Which means, since the last feeling you grasped, and believed to be love, did not measure to the thing you are pointing out, there is a realization. A realization I was settling. For less, for something that I cannot live with. And most certainly can live without. 

It's brilliant watching love manifest itself in people, it presents itself in a vivid palette of colors and a better understanding of which ones you want to color your life with. 

broken

I told someone once that he was broken, just like me. He refused to accept it, to him it probably meant defeat.  

To me it means recognizing life has not been as I want it and still smiling victoriously. It means having character, the kinds which old artifacts have, unusual and savored for posterity. It means fixing myself over and over, and in the process learning a great deal about me and connecting at a different level with someone who has undergone similar pain.

I believed we connected at that broken plane, but we didn't. Perhaps, he was right, he was not broken after all.

Me? I am and I like it.

cynic, not..

There was a time when I was proud to be a cynic, comfortable in the idea that I have grown up, matured over the years. Yesterday I was happy to be a kid, comfortable and quite relieved I haven't grown up that much. I get responsibilities, I get commitments, I get all the stuff that makes a grown up, but I am amazed that cynicism has not ruined my sense of wonder and the exhilaration that stupid senseless fun still brings me.

I really liked Wake Up Sid, and I am so impressed by Ranbir and Ayan Mukerji. Its the kind of cinema I would have made. If I ever got around to making cinema that is.

morph

the carefully woven mosaic of life 

unravels, rearranges into a new story

into an unknown even if tarnished picture

to adorn a different, unrecognizable me

fantastical

You know one of those fantasy conversations you keep having, well girls know what I mean. The ones where there is she said and he said, and then things magically work out just like we want them to with a lot of groveling from the 'he' involved. Well I was having one of those conversations in my head, and suddenly, the hypothetical me said something I didn't expect her to, something I wouldn't have in those circumstances. It fell into place. Answers came to me. And everything about that fantasy, the reason I wanted it to come true did not exist (well except the part where I had this amazing dress on, and looked awesome, and everyone knew me this really hot place, oh well! )

I now know what writers mean when they say characters have a mind of their own, in this case it seemed even the fantastical me had a mind of her own. I wish more characters would speak to me.

Here and There

Last few months, fun, not so much fun! A exciting sudden trip to Thailand, a painful trip to India ( tooth extraction) and a landmark birthday. But lets not talk about that. I am trying to block the fact that I enter the third decade of my life with not much success under my belt. Its not exactly where I had imagined myself. So I am delaying the cake cutting process till I feel like I want to be 30. 

Things I miss about the US - a car, my friends, Waffle House, old hangouts, and fall season of American TV

Things I don't miss - paying the bills, visa hassles

Surprisingly I miss US more than I imagined I would. I am giving it a few more months.